Healthy for a Happy Life

While we can probably all agree that social distancing is necessary to prevent the spread of the deadly coronavirus, a recent article by Arthur Brooks (“How social distancing could ultimately teach us how to be less lonely,” the Washington Post, 20 March), shares scientific results that can help us fight back against the loneliness that social distancing creates.

As recently as late February, most of us had never heard of “social distancing.” Since the concept was first introduced to us by public health officials in late February, the definition of “social distancing” has gone from no hugs, to no handshakes, to no large gatherings, and now, for many of us, no human contact for an indefinite period of time.

Social contact is essential for our physical and mental health.  In fact, vast amounts of data indicate that social connectedness is central to our well-being and mental health. In addition, Martin Seligman, a leader in the field of positive psychology, places social closeness at the core of his happiness model.  Research indicates that this critical connectivity includes regular contact, not only with friends and family, but also with casual acquaintances as well as strangers.

Why is physical closeness so important? And more to the point, why is social distancing so detrimental to our health and happiness? One explanation is provided by Paul Zak, professor of economic sciences, psychology and management at Claremont Graduate University in California. Zak reported on the effects of oxytocin, a powerful neurotransmitter that is critical for gratification.  (Zak warns that this naturally produced chemical is not to be confused with the pharmaceutical opioid OxyContin.)

Often referred to as the “love molecule,” Oxytocin is produced in response to physical touch. Although levels of Oxytocin spike after a 20-second hug, even short spans of contact can be very beneficial, leading to blood pressure and heart rates, especially among women.

By rewarding social connection with contentment, oxytocin binds us together. It improves our health and happiness and increases our rate of kindness and charity towards others.  On the other hand, when we are isolated from others and deprived of healthy levels of oxytocin, we feel isolated and empty. For many, loneliness and depression follow. In fact, if the negative effects of social distancing continue to plague us for too long, it will deprive us of the oxytocin we need to emotionally endure and thrive.

The effects of eye contact are similar to those of social connectivity.  One of the most famous studies on this topic was published in 1997 in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, when strangers were asked to stare into each other’s eyes and answer a succession of personal questions. Participants described an intense bond despite never having met with at least two of the previously unacquainted couples getting married. The data shows that the benefits of connectivity are not confined to romance.  Even eye contact between strangers has proven to result in a gratifying release of oxytocin.

So, what can we do to leverage the benefits of oxytocin in the age of social distancing?  First, limit your social media.  Social media is not a substitute for human contact.  Providing neither eye contact nor human touch, social media usually makes us feel even lonelier.  While taking the necessary steps to avoid coronavirus, leverage technology to provide a measure of connectivity in your daily life.  Make a list of family and friends to reach out to on a regular basis and use tools like Zoom, FaceTime, and Skype to connect with them.

Second, if you’re sheltering in place with others, take time out on a regular basis for hugs, remembering that the ultimate duration is 20 seconds.

Finally, make a point of establishing eye contact with others in your daily activities, and maintain this healthy practice even when the days of social distancing are behind us.  You may feel hesitant to do so at first, but rest assured, strangers will not start feeling uncomfortable until your gaze exceeds 3.2 seconds.  While you are home, do not look at your phone, TV or reading material when talking to a family member or pet.  Yes, there is evidence that eye contract with your dog will stimulate oxytocin in both of you!

Becoming more socially distanced from social media, mindfully hugging family and friends, and making eye contact with others will help us overcome the necessary evils of social distancing and may even help us come out of this more engaged than we were before.