The loss of a loved one is one of life’s most stressful events and often causes a major emotional crisis. Many of us tell ourselves that death is a natural part of life. In fact, death gives meaning to our lives because it reminds us how precious life is.

After the loss of someone you love, you experience bereavement, which literally means “to be deprived of someone” by death. Grieving is a natural process that most people experience when they lose someone or something important to them. The way one grieves depends on several factors, including the type of loss, your upbringing, religion, beliefs, relationships, and physical and mental health.

In general, anxiety and helplessness come first. Anger is also a very common early reaction, including feeling angry at someone for “leaving you behind.” Sadness, often extremely intense, usually sets in next. All of these feelings are normal and common reactions to loss. You may not feel prepared for the intensity and duration of your feelings, emotions, and mood swings. But understanding that these feelings are healthy and appropriate will help you cope with loss. It is important to remember that it takes time to grasp the impact of a significant loss. You will probably never stop missing your loved one, but the pain eases after time and helps you move on with your life.

Grieving is the physical, emotional, and psychological expression of loss. Many experience physical symptoms that include loss of appetite, stomach pain, intestinal issues, loss of sleep, and lack of energy. Preexisting medical issues may exasperate these conditions as well. If these physical symptoms of grief are prolonged to the point that you are having difficulty performing daily functions and/or if they evolve into anxiety attacks, depression, or suicidal thoughts, please see your doctor or seek medical assistance.

Helping Yourself

Living with grief is a painful reality but the ability to cope with loss is important for our physical and mental health. The best thing you and your loved ones can do is to allow yourself to grieve. Some of the coping mechanisms recommended by the community-based nonprofit organization Mental Health America include:

1. Seek out people who care. Talk to friends and relatives who understand your feelings. Consider joining a support group where you can talk to others who are experiencing similar emotions.
2. Express yourself. Talk to others about how you are feeling – it will help you work through your personal grieving process.
3. Take care of your health. Try to get plenty of rest, practice healthy eating habits, maintain your exercise routine, and be cautious of reliance on alcohol or medication.
4. Accept that “life is for the living.” It takes time and considerable effort to live again in the present without dwelling on the past. Be good to yourself and praise yourself when you make little strides towards recovering from the effects of grief.
5. Postpone major decisions. Hold off on other major life changes, such as changing jobs, moving, and remarrying, as these additional changes can exasperate stress.
6. Be patient. It can take months or years to adjust.
7. Seek help if necessary. If your grief feels like it is too much to bear, or if the symptoms are interfering with your life, seek professional assistance.

Helping Others

If someone else loses a loved one, consider the following tips:

1. Listen. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and to share their memories of their loved one. Do not make statements like “it was for the best” or “you’ll get over it in time.” Such comments are often perceived as phony and are usually unhelpful.
2. Offer practical assistance. Consider cooking, running errands, house-sitting, or baby-sitting to help.

Remember, it takes time. But, with effort, patience, and support, you will survive grief. Someday, the pain will decrease, making room for cherished memories.